I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
