It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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