I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
