I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
