I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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