My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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