I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
