But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
