Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
