Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
