the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
