First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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