She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
