Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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