tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
