please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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