I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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