Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
