Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
