i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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