He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
