flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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