i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
