Swine flu. Run for my life!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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