I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Life is so much better after having sex.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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