Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
birth control should be required to get into college
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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