piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
