It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
