Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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