I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
