Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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