So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
