Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
