Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
