At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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