jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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