the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
