hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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