I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
God, I missed his penis.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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