I want you more than these girls want KFC
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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