im having a threesome with these popsicles
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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