Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
