I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
