I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
