I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
