Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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