How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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