I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
