i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
