I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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