Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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