Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
