I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
